35. Change

 Big Thief. I only just heard of this band. They were a Spotify recommendation so I can't say much other than I like this song and I hope they have more good ones. This one is called Change. I like the simplicity of the music and the simple beauty of the lyrics. The closely mic'd vocal brings those words home nicely, and the melody is somehow reminiscent of a song from the 60s or 70s that I can't remember or maybe that doesn't exist. Whatever it is that makes this one appeal to me, it does, and I've been listening to this one quite a bit as I wade through the struggle that is getting back to work after a great time away with my wife and kids.  

The opening chords and lyrics of this one provoke contemplation and evoke the memories of windshield wipers slapping away a Tennessee rain as the kids sing their alphabetical song of the states in the back seat. Snacking, laughing, fighting, sharing thoughts, license plate hunting and sharing in another family road trip. Reciting the memories of the recent trip. Bear sightings, gem mines, waterfalls, rail coasters, mountains, horses, and more. Frogs in throats and goats, turkeys running, wax figures and holes in one. Remembering memories from trips when they were young that are already starting to fade. Miles pass and things change. 

 If you know me you will know that I hate change.  I stay where I am comfortable. I cling to traditions. I love laughing with friends and family about the multitude of memories of good times in the past.  Finding every year those memories and the people in them get grayer and more distant.  I am haunted by the passage of time. Everyday I am reminded of how quickly my kids have grown. As every family vacation ends and we move from sandcastles on the beach and petting zoos to increasing independence I feel that unstoppable change creeping in. 

The girls are getting older, though there are still hints of their little years. Requests for Easter egg hunts and a hug when it storms or a snuggle on the couch, but we are approaching places we have never been before. My oldest is 6 years from college, but she was just 6 learning to play t-ball. Today she is slinging fastballs and asking for a cell phone. My youngest is one year from middle school. It seems like yesterday like she was just chewing on a pacifier like US Grant chewing on a cigar, but now she is commanding her team on the soccer field like a little independent general. 

Every day these hints of their baby years get closer to passing and being some distant memory. It is after these trips that I seem to realize how much has changed. A week with no work and no extracurriculars to get in the way of being together really reinforces that relentless marching of time. It is at these times that I try to force myself to keep all of these memories in my mind. I hope that as everything around us continues to pass they will live forever. The four of us on adventures smiling and temporarily ignoring the change that comes with time.  I love those times. I will miss those times and there are days when I wish none of this would ever change.