29. Some Paradise

Houndmouth is a great band that hails from Indiana. Go Hoosiers! Most of their songs are blues and rock based, but this mellow tune has a real 70s melancholy vibe to it and I love it. I think it is that wah wah guitar and the lyrics that evoke that emotion, but man I really enjoy this one. Like many on the blog it kind of captures the essence of life. I have been playing it on repeat.  

"Don't that sky look angry? And don't that sea look mean?" 

Life. It is really fucking hard.  Sometimes you get so wrapped up in what makes it hard that you lose your way. 

"Safety lines, friends of mine  Nets to catch my mind Before I lose it..... Well, it's only adding to it"

Work, stress, bills, kids, the dog needs a walk, appointments, family drama. The priorities of others don't always sync up with reality.  People need to see not everything is about them or against them. We are just surviving. This is life. It can easily turn you around as you let the need to try to please everyone fill you with unease. Sometimes I can't seem to escape it. 

"I lost sight of the land tonight. And I don't even know the tide. Some paradise When the fog light leads your eyes"

Raising kids is a rare thing that is extraordinarily rewarding and terrifyingly challenging at the same time. Sometimes you are floating downstream on a raft and other times you are swimming against the current with one hand tied behind your back.  The little victories as they grow into beautiful caring humans are coupled closely with the fears that you know you are making mistakes, not doing enough, or doing too much. One day you think you are the best parent ever and the next leaves you thinking it is a miracle they succeed in spite of your mistakes.  Hurting when they hurt and trying to balance hovering vs. letting them grow. It is hard. Watching them struggle. Watching them overcome. Letting them live. It is amazingly beautiful and achingly hard.  It is easy to get lost in it all and forget the little moments. It becomes routine to spin your wheels in the struggles and forget to breathe. 

"Silver manta rays. Only bird in the ocean. It really softens your gaze. When the current is flowing"

Life is hard. There is nary a day that goes by where there seems to be enough time to get the kids to bed, the chores done, spend time together, sleep, talk, or find the feelings buried somewhere behind the duties that life brings. Patience.  I don't even know what the fuck that word means, but I know enough to know I have very little of it.  On more than one occasion people I have worked with mentioned how patient and calm I am. That really made me sad. I am those things there. I suppose I have to be to stay employed, but I wish I could be better where it actually matters.  Like I said, sometimes we get wrapped up in our own fears and stress. We fail those that mean the most by letting our guard down and not giving them the patience or calm they need. Some of us forget that, but not everyone. Some of us are lucky enough to have that special light in their lives that is always there to be a port in a storm. To pick up the slack when the rest of us struggle. I often forget this because sometimes I'm lost until it is too late for me to realize it. By then the damage is done I just wish I could always remember to see it.

"'Cause it's only you and me"

Don't lose that paradise. Find the fog light. The land is out there. It is for me thanks to C